Dear elderly lady on Michigan Ave. during lunch who almost caused a major accident,
I would like to commend you on your exemplary driving skills in the face of being confronted with a full turning lane allowing you no room in which to merge in. Unphased by that prediciment, you, in your infinite wisdom, decide that you will just attempt to force your way into the lane for surely someone will just move out of your way and let you merge. Had that plan worked out for you, perhaps you would be commended on a bold move to get into a lane allowing you to continue on your way to your destination. However, as expected, people do not like making room for someone impatient and clearly making a driving maneuver that is highly dangerous and should not be attempted, ever. Whatever possessed you to think that pulling out of a business and driving straight across 3 lanes of traffic only to park your vehicle perpendicular to the flow of traffic until you could enter the turn lane was a good idea? Driving along with the flow of traffic, one does not expect to find a vehicle stopped in such a way as yours. I must bow down to your stellar thought process. Never you mind the lunch that I was looking forward to sitting peacefully on my passenger seat, perfuming the air with its roast beef goodness. No, as a result of your bright maneuver, my lunch was forcibly ejected from its seat only to tumble down onto the floorboard and spilling its contents everywhere. Not to be left from the fray was the cup containing my beverage of choice as it spills its liquid goodness all over my passenger seat causing the cushion to remain damp even still.
Perhaps I should thank you for your brash move that once again showed me just how great some other drivers can be.. Perhaps I should be thankful that only my lunch was damaged in the process and that I was able to stop in time. Perhaps my honking and verbal assault was really unnecessary as evidenced by your nonchalant smile and shoulder shrug as if to say “why are you upset?”
I think, however, you should be thankful to whatever deity you worship that I was able to see you and stop in time instead of hitting your vehicle squarely in the driver side door and most likely killing you on impact while totalling both of our vehicles. Perhaps I would have been injured and survived. In either case, my lunch would have suffered. I think my actions to your reckless driving were clearly the proper choice as you continued on your way oblivious to what you had done and I, angered and frustrated, went back to my desk with out the lunch I was so looking forward to.
So, I’d like to thank you again elderly lady. You are a shining beacon in an otherwise mundane sea of drivers.
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Bravo old lady, your ingenuity amazes even myself.